Binge Eating

 Possible trigger warning: disordered eating

I have always struggled with binge eating, my entire life. My earliest memories of it are eating Halloween candy while watching TV, not really paying attention to it but just shoveling it into my mouth, until I suddenly vomit. I frequently eat junk food until I feel very very sick, and it causes me to feel a lot of shame and guilt whenever I think about it, but especially doing it. I’m doing it right now. I’m eating cookies from Costco. I’m not even hungry – they are just there and I can’t stop thinking about them because of it. It’s always been like that. If I didn’t have them here I would almost never think about/want them, so I usually try to avoid buying or being around junk food. But sometimes you just want a snack. I just wish I had the impulse control to make them last. I try to stop but it feels impossible, especially if I’m feeling down. Junk food is all I want to eat then, and I certainly can never bring myself to cook if I’m upset.

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Author: undiagnoseddiary

I write about my ongoing struggles with mental illness. I hope my anonymity lends itself to honesty so that someone else who is struggling can see that they are not alone. View all posts by undiagnoseddiary