Worrying

Does worrying make you feel worse? Yes, I think so. I have counselling in 45 min and I’m scared as hell. I’m worried because I’ve been having really good days since Sunday, and counselling makes me feel worse afterward. It was part of the trigger that led me to go to Emergency last week. I’ve been feeling so much better since then, I even cleaned up my house/room for the first time in weeks, I walked my dog, I got work done … basically, I’ve been productive like a real human being. I woke up this morning feeling great but now my mind is getting a bit jumbled out of fear. I’m trying to push it out of my mind. The weather looks terrible too, it’s dark and windy, it looks really cold.

I’m trying to be positive but it is a huge struggle with my mind. I’m so happy that I managed to get stuff done these past few days, and I’m trying to focus on that. Focus on good books I can begin to read, shows I can begin to watch. Focus focus focus.

I have to get ready to walk to counselling now, but I’m hoping that I can ride this wave out. My counsellor is nice, my problem is with me, not her. If I can conquer myself, I can conquer the beast. I am the the beast.

Author: undiagnoseddiary

I write about my ongoing struggles with mental illness. I hope my anonymity lends itself to honesty so that someone else who is struggling can see that they are not alone. View all posts by undiagnoseddiary