Staying out of the Slump

I wish that I could say I knew how I am managing to stay out of the depression slump since last Sunday (it’s been almost a week of feeling good! That’s huge for me), but the truth is that it’s just luck. I’m lucky enough that I managed to get back some motivation to tackle projects that had been piling up and stressing me out and making everything seem so much worse … chipping away at them made me realize that they were not as insurmountable as I had made them in my mind, and I’ve been able to keep the ball rolling ever since. I’m on track for work. My dog’s been walked every day. Heck, my room is even clean as I’m typing this (unheard of for me). But I know that any second, one small, tiny insignificant thing could tip the scales back into the opposite balance, and I could be waiting to cut myself into tiny pieces. I try not to think too much about that.

I’ve started meditating. It’s very very difficult for me to focus even for 3 minutes, but everything that I looked up for help with regulating emotions and depression said that mindfulness was one of the most beneficial things you can do. It helps if I’m stoned before trying it, although that may be cheating.

On Monday, I am going to call my doctor’s office and make an appointment. My hands got sweaty just typing that. But there’s no real reason for me to be scared or intimidated about that. Except for the fact that I think I might be crazy. But on the off chance that my brain is not totally broken beyond some depression and a lack of social and coping skills, maybe this is the first big leap to turning my life around. God, I hope. I just don’t want to fall back into the intense and deadening depression again.

Author: undiagnoseddiary

I write about my ongoing struggles with mental illness. I hope my anonymity lends itself to honesty so that someone else who is struggling can see that they are not alone. View all posts by undiagnoseddiary